The fear fall. Eighteen stories high, going down at a speed of around eighty kilometres. My friends and I waited in line for a good ten minutes. My friends waited excitedly. Although I wasn’t. Screams of those coming down from the fear fall replayed over and over in my head. The thought of falling off from the top frightened me. It was the perfect day for an adventure, the sun was shining and the sky was clear. Thinking about the weather distracted me from the concept of going up so high.
As the ride steadily climbed up to it’s peak, thoughts of backing out filled up in my head. I felt that I was risking my life. Though I was just being dramatic. But the thought of getting mocked for being a scaredy cat motivated me to stay put. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and looked beneath my feet and saw people the size of ants. I bit my tongue, trying my hardest not to scream. The smell of pollution filled the air.
We were dangling in the air for ages. Well, it felt like ages. I began to worry and panicked for a bit. Everything seemed to be frozen, and for a moment it was silent. The breeze blew gently on my skin. Butterflies flew around inside my stomach and I felt nauseous. My friends and I braced ourselves before the big fall and before long….
Whoooosh! The ride sped down, racing to the bottom. Deafening screams of my friends hurt my ears. The satisfying feeling of the wind blowing against my skin made me feel like an eagle. The world seemed to slow down, even though we were going at a great speed.
Before we knew it, we reached the bottom. We hopped off the ride and talked amongst ourselves about how much we enjoyed it. Although I was frightened for most of the time in the air, I was glad that I did it. The experience was magical. Just remember at the end of the day challenging yourself may not seem as bad as it is. Give everything a try and don’t give up.
This is really good, I like how you have explained it, it gave me a clear picture in my head and I like how you put a short cute "Don't give up" at the end. Next time maybe in between waiting in line and being on the ride, include how you got on, just cause it might make it flow better but other than that I really like it :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jess, this was really helpful :)
DeleteHeyy Juanita! I really enjoyed reading you're writing it, made me feel like i was the one experiencing this, I really liked the way you used onomatopoeia by actually saying "woooosh"it gave that paragraph more oomph, maybe next time you could tell more about how getting on to it made you feel, but other than that i really enjoyed you're writing well done. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Michaela. I found this very helpful :)
DeleteHEY JUAN!!!! i really like your story , it makes me really want to go to rainbows end now and go on the ride, your grammar is really good and gave me some inspiration for my own writhing , WELL DONE :) :) :) :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jordan :)))
ReplyDeleteNO PROBLEM :)
DeleteWOW! I loved that the story was very descriptive throughout the whole story. It made the story feel a whole lot more realistic. The way that you described everything reminds me of the day i first went rainbows end and went on the Fear Fall myself. I think that you did really well, and the only thing you should work on is in the last paragraph where you put to its at the end of the sentence. Otherwise amazing job :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Zoe, appreciate your feedback! In the last paragraph it was a typo. It was meant to be 'it is'. But thanks, now I can go and fix it.
DeleteHey Juanita you story is all goods. The Part when you said "But the thought of getting mocked for being a scaredy cat motivated me to stay put" made me smile. Just saying in the the last line you put "it it" but love your story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words, and thanks for that! I'll go edit it now :)
DeleteI really enjoyed your story Juanita! I love how descriptive you were about everything! This reminded me of when I went on the Fear Fall because I felt the same way. The only thing I think could make it better would be adding in the part where you actually got on the ride. Other than that it was amazing!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cinnamon! Appreciate your feedback :)
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